Ready to Go!

What happens when a young adult is ready to move out and find his or her own way? What did you do? Maybe you moved on to college after high school. Maybe you worked and went to school at night. Maybe you worked, traveled, lived with friends, did a year of service or followed your favorite band.

It’s no different when young adults age out of programs for foster youth. They take many different routes, too. Like young adults of all backgrounds, they sometimes just need a hand. On the Benevolent site, we’ve had many needs posted in which we hear from a high school grad who’s about to head off to college and needs a laptop, bus or train fare to get to college, or basic dorm room furnishings -- sheets, towels and the like. 

My goal is to graduate college,
join the army, and be independent. 
I would like to attend a university
and work in the health field.

Today, though, we’ve got a need posted to the site that’s new for us. Lemia is ready to make the move from the group home she’s been living in with other older youth in the child welfare system. She’s getting her own place and she’ll live independently while she’s in school studying for a career in health care. On the Benevolent site, Lemia’s asking for help with the funds necessary to get herself situated in her new place.

Lemia doesn’t have a family basement or closet to raid for towels or kitchenware, or a folding table to borrow while she works her way towards more “real” furniture and slowly accumulates the things that make an apartment a home. I have no doubt she’ll make her place into a warm and peaceful home, but it’ll take some time and some help.

That’s where we come in. We can step in where family would have handed down the folding table from the hall closet, where the lamp no one was using would have been pulled from a box of old things and where a parent or uncle would have joined in a trip to the store and footed the bill for a few essential pieces.

We can do this for Lemia who has already beaten the odds simply by graduating high school. The stakes are even higher now. While she is one of the 70% of former foster youth with a desire to attend college, barely 5% wind up completing either a two-or four-year degree.

Some sobering facts: 50% of “aged out” foster youth are homeless within 18 months of emancipation, 25% are incarcerated within two years, 60% of these young women become mothers themselves within four years. Lemia’s got clear and impressive dreams and they bear no resemblance to those difficult statistics.

I spent a few years running group homes in Chicago and I can’t tell you how incredible each of those kids was. Every one of them had been through many foster care homes and each one had lived through situations that no child should experience. That’s where their similarities ended. They were as different from one another as kids should be and their gifts, strengths and dreams were inspiring.

I have no idea what Lemia’s seen or what she’s had to overcome to thrive. What I know is that she’s ready for what’s next and eager to get started. She’s generous enough to share her story with us, and she’s hoping we’ll believe in her. Let’s.

- megan kashner

  founder & ceo

  Benevolent

 www.benevolent.net

Five Traits of a Great Dad

What does it mean to be a great dad, to live up to the hype of Father’s Day?  Here are some thoughts about that, accumulated over years of watching great, imperfect dads in action.

1. Great dads care how their kids are doing. Whether they express it perfectly or not, when dad is pressing us to achieve, criticizing our decisions, asking us a litany of questions, giving us advice or simply telling us he cares, it’s all the same. He gives a hoot.
2. Great dads feel responsible. It could be a sense of responsibility to teach us, support us or protect us, or it could simply be that they know their actions and opinions have an impact on us. Great dads feel like they’ve got to be able to be relied on.
3. Great dads see us for who we are. Whether we’re walking in their footsteps or blazing new trails, great dads see us for how we’re distinct from them, from their hopes and dreams for us, and from what we might have been like in an earlier era.
4. Great dads have reactions. Those reactions might not be expressed or framed in a way we know what to do with right away, but a great dad reacts to things he believes will affect our lives. Because they care, great dads react when they think we’re on or off course, in or out of a good circumstance, and more.
5. Great dads are embarrassing. Yep, it might be that they wear their pant cuffs too high, walk out of the house with a bit of tissue on a nick from shaving, cheer too loudly from the sidelines, or hold and express opinions far different from our own. We get embarrassed because they’re ours; and despite our embarrassment, we’re glad they are ours.

 

So, this Father’s day, all of us here at Benevolent want to celebrate our imperfect, embarrassing, reactive, insightful dads who give a hoot by doing something they taught us to do. Great dads stick their necks out and step in.

In honor of Father’s Day, let’s do that, too. Let’s step in and react to someone who’s in a bind. Let’s embarrass dad by honoring him for the guy he really is - the guy who’s made a difference in our lives and taught us how to make a difference for someone else.

I’ve created a special Father’s Day giving page highlighting some of the stories on the Benevolent site that I think might pique the interest of the dads in our lives. Here’s a link to it.

Last year, I made my dad cry when I contributed to someone in his honor. This year, let’s make all our dads know how much they’re appreciated, in all their imperfection.

- megan kashner

  founder & ceo

  Benevolent

  www.benevolent.net

Fresh Starts and Faith

What would it take for you to feel like you were making a fresh start? We start over so many times in a lifetime – when we begin living independently as young adults; when we first share our hearts with someone; when we start parenting, caring for aging parents; when we take a deep breath and reinvent ourselves. Many of the people whose stories are on the Benevolent site this week are making fresh starts, too, important ones. One that stands out for me is Kena’s story.

“It's just me and God in this apartment.” - Kena

Kena seems like someone we’d all like to know – now. Not so long ago, Kena was living a life driven by her addiction. She tells us about years of making bad choices. Now, however, Kena is in recovery, living independently for the first time, and ready to build towards her future.

As many know, recovery from addiction is a very personal and often spiritual process. In fact, Kena tells us “It's just me and God in this apartment.” She’s sleeping on an air mattress in an unfurnished apartment and working towards employment and stability. She has a part-time job and is working hard to make ends meet.

This is Kena’s fresh start. She’s coming to life in ways she hasn’t been able to in years, and I am touched that she shared it with us and is trusting us to help.

The very first need we met on the Benevolent site was for a woman named Anne who was also sleeping on an air mattress. Laughingly she told us that every night she went to bed fearing that the bed would pop and she’d wake up on the hard floor. 

This fresh start for Kena is about so much more than a bed. It’s about her determination, optimism, hard work and belief in herself. What we can give her is way beyond furniture. When you reach out and enter Kena’s circle, she’ll know that she’s not walking this new path all on her own. Our recipients tell us all the time that just knowing that there are people out there who believe in them makes a world of difference. I’m glad we can be that world of difference for Kena this spring.

I can just picture it. When Kena gets her new furniture and bed, she’ll know that in addition to her and God in her apartment, a little bit of each of us will be there as well, reminding her that we believe in her and in her new start.

- megan kashner

  founder & ceo

  benevolent

  www.benevolent.net

People Give for Beautiful Reasons

While browsing through Benevolent’s list of needs a few days ago, Benevolent donor Geetha saw a story that touched her heart and made her think. It was the story of Macaba, a woman who reminded Geetha of her mother, Mrs. Swami, who passed away seven years ago.

For the last fifteen years of her life, Mrs. Swami had suffered blindness which hampered her otherwise stalwart, delightful, spirited life. When Geetha read Macaba’s story on the Benevolent site, she was moved to give in dedication to her mom, honoring her by helping another brave woman struggling against the impact of unexpected loss of sight.

Photos of Mrs. Swami over the years 

On the surface, the two women – Macaba and Mrs. Swami - have little in common. Macaba is a young woman; Mrs. Swami lived a long, full life. Macaba is a refugee from Uganda; Mrs. Swami was from India. Macaba is a student; Mrs. Swami raised eight children.

What reminded Geetha of her mother is Macaba’s blindness—and more than that, Macaba’s attitude of engagement with the world that does not let her disability hold her back. “The blindness aspect touched my heart,” Geetha told me.

Macaba's photo is
blurred because
she remains in danger
from her persecutors
from Uganda

Macaba, whose story is posted on the Benevolent site right now, fled persecution and torture in Uganda, leaving everything she knew including her family behind. Once in the United States, doctors discovered a tumor pressing on Macaba’s brain, which has since left her with permanent blindness.

Today, incredibly, Macaba is on the verge of completing her Associate’s Degree. Her goal is to continue her education until she is qualified to be a professional counselor. Her dream is to help others.

Macaba’s need is for a special laptop, outfitted with the tools and software that allow her to use it effectively, despite her blindness. Survivors of Torture International, the San Diego nonprofit working with Macaba towards her goals, put forward Macaba’s need on the Benevolent site just last week.

Geetha’s mother, Mrs. Swami, taught Geetha and her seven siblings about helping those in need. “I have always believed, and still believe, that we are products of the values shown and taught by our parents,” Geetha shared.

I am always touched to read the personal reasons that Benevolent’s supporters have for giving. Geetha’s support of Macaba crosses generations and continents. By supporting Macaba in honor of her mother, Geetha honors both women and draws comfort to herself in a way that is both selfless and fulfilling at once.

We’ve only been doing this Benevolent work for just over a year, so maybe in five or six years this won’t surprise me and move me to heartfelt tears as it does today, but man do I love getting a glimpse like this into what spurs people to give and what they derive from the act of helping someone else in this simple, complicated way.

How incredible that a courageous mother from India should be honored by her daughter on the East coast of the United States through a gift to help a woman from Uganda who had fled to safety in Southern California. I find myself deeply touched by this inter-continental honoring of strong women.

Last week we celebrated International Women’s Day. Is there a strong woman in your life whom you’d like to honor? You never know what will move you to give.

- megan kashner, founder & ceo

  Benevolent

  www.benevolent.net